Another true story about a resilient amputee comes to mind here. Carl, whom I know through my friend Evelyn, lost his leg below the knee. This was back in the 70’s and at the time Carl had a wooden leg. He and Evelyn were going hiking when Carl noticed the ankle joint of his prosthesis had come loose. He was unable to fix it so he asked to be driven to a hardware store. Here he requested a hammer and a handful of nails. The proprietor brought them over and Carl promptly put his leg up on a chair and started hammering nails through his sock into the offending ankle. The proprietor fainted clean away! Carl still dines out on that story!
Focus on what you have; on the fact that you have a roof over your head, you can eat healthy foods, you do have a job or even if you don’t, that you are capable of getting a job. Learn to appreciate your friends, family and the environment around you. Appreciate the little things you are able to do every day, simply because you can do them. Rather than focusing on a sore ankle or leg when you go for a walk, or the fact that it’s overcast or even raining, appreciate that you can still go for a walk. Gratitude is the appreciation of the simple things in life that we usually take for granted.
We have the tendency to focus on deficiencies in other people. Usually it’s our family or closest friend who often go out of their way to help us. Instead we zero in on the one small aspect that didn’t work well, blow it out of proportion and blame them for not caring. Focus on what they do for you, not what they don’t do. We can learn to be grateful.
At the other end of the spectrum lies dissatisfaction with what we do have and avarice for more and more. We always want more things. Consumerism encourages us to focus on what we don’t have rather than what we do have. As a result we end up with a mental handicap worse than any physical one. The prime example of this is the totally materialistic person who believes pleasure and happiness can only be derived from money, status and possessions. The research shows that such a belief is ill -founded and that in many cases the very opposite is true. A focus on material wealth is associated with compulsive spending, envy, low self- esteem and lack of generosity. Individuals whose primary focus is affluence and materialism are less satisfied with their life as a whole, tend to experience a high degree of anxiety and depression, have a lower sense of wellbeing and greater behavioural and physical problems. Some studies have shown that adolescents who value material wealth highly have greater susceptibility to psychological disorders.
The happiness we all seek can only be achieved through self-control, not material possessions. Current research into the neurological markers of happiness supports this view. Of all people studied, Buddhist monks scored most highly in the ‘happy markers’ and seem the happiest and most content. The left prefrontal cortex shows greater stimulation in people with a positive, happy outlook. And in these happy people, activity In the amygdala is inhibited. The opposite was shown for unhappy people. They have increased activity of the amygdala and greater stimulation of the right prefrontal cortex. Furthermore, those with greater activity in the right prefrontal cortex were more likely to experience emotions of distress when shown a negative situation. Adults with increased right side prefrontal cortex activity were also more likely to report distressing emotions after watching films, compared to people with left sided activity. It may sound obvious and clichéd, but your perception of the world is coloured by what’s inside of you.
Money is only a tool to help achieve certain ends. We are conditioned to value it for itself, and we can easily create an economic prison for ourselves, where we think we need more and more, and fear not having enough. Despite our increased wealth the divorce rate has doubled, teen suicide has tripled, reported violence almost quadrupled and depression rates have dramatically increased, particularly among teens and young adults. Yet our economic and political masters continue to tell us to work harder and buy more to keep the economy going. Material possessions come and go. In January 2005, I read all about John Elliot, the ex-millionaire, who has rubbed shoulders with the Queen and all the highest dignitaries in the country, now broke and in debt. The more you have, the more you have to worry about. You work harder and harder, creating an unbalanced life, leaving no time to enjoy the things you really should enjoy and all of a sudden, you’re at the end of your life and you’ve missed it. I call this deferred living. Wants beget wants. I want therefore I am or will be.
Research has shown that material gain can only be used for limited motivation. It soon wears thin and has to be continually increased to maintain results. If removed it may become a significant demotivator. In one experiment they gave children a reward every time they engaged in a preferred activity. The children’s interest in these activities quickly diminished when they became associated with rewards. Similarly adults working on puzzles were rewarded each time they completed them. However, their interest in the activity also diminished.
Modern culture places huge emphasis on material success. But this is nothing new, history is replete with stories of greed as well as those saying get your priorities right first. Despite the abuse of his name, Epicurus, a Greek philosopher living around 300BC, encouraged people to enjoy the simple things in life, particularly friends and friendships. He also taught the value of simple foods, from where we have derived the word ‘Epicurean’. Epicurus had a large following – whole villages followed his philosophy of ‘simplicity is better’. The Epicureans believed that self indulgent pleasures lead to pain in the long run. Science is now supporting this belief. Socrates believed that happiness was achieved through living a life that nurtures the soul and not through external achievement, wealth or status. Even more recently Einstein said, “I think that a simple and unassuming manner of life is best for everyone, best for both body and mind”.
This is not to say you have to forgo all material possessions; rather that you need a balance. Most importantly, appreciate the things you already have, particularly those that don’t cost money, such as clean air and water and access to beautiful beaches and countryside. These simple things really bring the most pleasure and happiness. Imagine not having them. Then you can learn to appreciate them.
When you make a conscious effort to move towards the gratitude end of the scale, you’ll notice that you feel better. When you really start to experience gratitude you also begin realise the importance of giving, without any need or expectation to receive something in return. Many religious texts, including the Bible, expound the necessity of giving freely and unconditionally. Research shows that serotonin levels (known as the ‘feel good’ chemical) increase and your immune system is stimulated when you do an act of kindness or giving. You get the same effects if you observe an act of kindness or giving. That is why people who give get pleasure, or as the bible says, “give and ye shall receive”. The opposite is also true, greed and continually taking leads to increased dissatisfaction, disharmony and poor health. Physiologically, it lowers serotonin and a compromises your immune system.
Other research has also shown that gratitude and kindness increase your well being and life expectancy. Altruism reduces our focus on ourselves and appears to serve as a distraction from worries, whereas preoccupation with ourselves leads to anxiety and depression by increasing our concentration on our problems. Researcher George Vaillants’ followed Harvard graduates for 40 years, and found altruism to be one the major qualities enabling graduates to cope with the stress of life. It also helps us live longer. A study of 2,700 American males who volunteered their services to community organizations were found to have much better longevity than those who didn’t volunteer. They were two and a half times less likely to die from any cause as compared to the control group. Helping others also seems to result in a boosted immune system, fewer colds and headaches and better sleeping habits.
Valiants’ research also shows that our priorities change as we age and pass through various growth cycles. Our focus becomes less about ourselves and more and more about others, our community and the environment. As we evolve, we’re prepared to be more generous. (Though there are some individuals who get caught up in the “me” cycle and never grow out of it). Our sense of happiness seems to go hand in hand with this development, despite the fact that we experience more health problems and more bereavements as we age. We are more satisfied with what we have and our need to aquire more and more is reduced.
Even the guru of motivational, money making books, Napoleon Hill, changed his tune as he aged and sorted out his priorities. His book, ‘Think and Grow Rich’ emphasised the power of positive thinking to make more money. However, much later in his life, he wrote ‘Think and Grow Rich With Peace of Mind’, emphasising values which money cannot buy and freedom from the feeling of want.
Your life is precious and the best things in it don’t cost anything. I know this from my own recent experiences. My best friend recently passed away. During her illness and her final days all I wanted was to spend more precious time with her. Money and material possessions became totally irrelevant. I just wanted to enjoy the simple things of life with her, seeing her smile, a walk together, a talk.
