Naughty Nutrition: Getting Frisky with Food!

Taking a Long, Hard Look at Your Food Relationship imageThe Naughty NutritionistTaking a Long, Hard Look at Your Food Relationship


Is your libido down or dead?   Then the Naughty Nutritionist thinks it’s time to look long and hard at your relationship with food.   And, I’m not talking here about uses for cucumbers, zucchinis and bananas!    Or seeding passion with inspiring visuals such as pomegranates and figs.

Real lust requires real food, and it’s no accident that people all over the world use the word “appetite” when talking about food and sex.  “Real” foods are old-fashioned “naughty” foods high in fat and cholesterol such as eggs, butter, cream, meat, poultry, fish and seafood.   Such foods are valued by traditional cultures all over the world as aphrodisiacs and as sacred foods for fertility.  Sadly, dietitians and other card-carrying members of the food police bad mouth such foods and talk up low-fat, high-soy and plant-based diets.   The results, unfortunately, speak for themselves — an epidemic of fatigue, lethargy, malaise, anxiety, infertility, PMS and other reproductive disorders and loss of libido.   Such recommendations defy common sense.   If fat’s so bad, then why did Mother Nature put fat into most tasty foods?   Did she make a mistake?   Is she out to kill us?   Were all our ancestors, all over the world wrong?   Not likely, and the Naughty Nutritionist™ is going to tell you why.      

Let’s start with cholesterol. Far from a bogeyman out to get us, cholesterol is our best friend forever, our “friend with benies.”  The reason is this:  cholesterol is the Mother of all hormones — including sex and mood hormones —  and biochemistry texts illustrate this fact with “hormone trees” depicting the various hormones on the branches and cholesterol nourishing the roots.   Vivid as that picture is, keep in mind that cholesterol does not grow on trees or plants but is found only in animal foods.  It is found abundantly in traditional foods like caviar, oysters, red meat, liver and other organ meats, cream and butter, which is why these foods are known worldwide as aphrodisiacs and fertility boosters.   

Afraid of saturated fats?  Science supports our need for them too.   Cell membranes depend on saturated fats for structure plus essential omega 3-and 6-fatty acids for flexibility.  Both are needed if the membrane is to efficiently let nutrients in and toxins out.   Wouldn’t want it permanently rigid (from the trans fats found in margarines and shortenings) or flaccid (from liquid polyunsaturated oils), would we?  Bottom line is when people don’t eat adequate amounts of saturated fat, the body drives cholesterol into the membrane to save the cell’s life, thus lowering overall cholesterol levels.  Far from being beneficial, this represents a state of emergency.   When cholesterol’s busy holding cells together, it’s not available for hormone production and other fun uses. 

Hormone and prostaglandin production also thrive on saturated fats, as does your immune system and brain.  Given that the brain is more than 60 percent fat and cholesterol, how well will it function if clogged up with the rancid vegetable oils and trans fatty acids found in the aptly named SAD (Standard American Diet)?    Or starved on a low-fat diet?  Woody Allen calls the brain his “second favorite organ.”  The Naughty Nutritionist™ says, “Love it and nourish it. “     

Good fats and cholesterol are also the tickets to kicking addictions, including carb and junk food cravings, to balancing blood sugar for dependable physical and mental energy through the day, and maintaining your ideal weight.   Best of all, they not only whet the appetite but satiate it.  

Sadly, many health-conscious people fear Mother Nature’s traditional foods because of the widespread marketing of Father Technology’s processed, packaged and fast foods, including soy and other junk foods tricked out as “health foods.”   Although low-fat food products are marketed as “healthy” and even “sexy,” many of them were first invented as aids to celibacy.   Sylvester Graham in the 19th century and John Harvey Kellogg in the early 20th century urged high-fiber cereals and crackers to kill the libido and they warned against meat because of the association of carnivorism with carnal thoughts and deeds.  I am not making this up!    In Asia, Zen monks have long used soy to help maintain their vows of celibacy.  Seems the monks noticed that when tofu consumption went up, the naughty behavior went down!   As for Japanese wives, they’ve learned the best revenge is extra helpings of tofu for unfaithful husbands!  What better way to kill the desire, the ability or both?  Clearly, soy has its uses, and The Naughty Nutritionist™ proposes serving up lots of it to politicians with the “zipper problem!”  

What else do we need to know?   Lay off the bread, especially wheat, for the famous “staff of life” can easily become the “crutch of death.”    Kiss off sugar, particularly corn syrup and high-fructose corn syrup.    And never forget “diet” contains the word “die,” which is where your body, brain and “naughty bits” are headed if you consume food products or diet sodas containing the MSG or aspartame.   They are known as “excitotoxins,” but there’s nothing exciting and plenty toxic about what they’ll do to your love life.   As for chocolate, it does have its “feel good” components, but take care that you don’t retreat into private time with chocolate when you could be sharing it with a real live man or woman. 

Finally, mom was right   Eat your vegetables!   And with lots of butter or salad dressings containing olive oil.  Dry ones will dry you out, while margarine or shortening will shorten your life, not to mention your love life.   Still not sure about butter?   Consider some naughty advice from the lusty overachiever and long-lived French Chef Julia Child,  “If you are afraid of butter, then use cream!”    

Welcome to Kindred’s Kitchen and Garden

Check out our Sustainable and Organic Kitchen Wares and our carefully selected variety of Organic Seed and Gardening Supplies!

Leave A Reply

Your email address will not be published.