Happiest Country, Also Depressed?

My husband and I just spent a couple of weeks in Scandinavia, participating in a conference in Finland. Finland is one of the countries that offer vast support of mothers, families and children (in comparison to the USA). But I was surprised by what I saw.

Finland is supposed to be the happiest nation on earth. I think I know why. Finnish adults report happiness—they experience a vast social welfare system which operates according to needs, not income (the latter is what happens in the USA). Parents have a great deal of support, such as prenatal counseling for mothers, paid parental leave, child care supports in the years after birth. These all make life easier for parents, fostering less stressed brains in children, right?

But I did not see happiness in babies.

Most babies out in the world were in strollers (untouched). Some were even zipped up, coffin-like, in strollers or prams. Most of the babies whose faces I could see did not look at other people’s faces (faces magnetically attract healthy babies). Instead, most babies were stone faced, even when catching the eye of others. Too many baby eyes showed deep sadness or unemotional dissociation (the zombie look). (It was too common to conclude it was due to tiredness.)

These can be signals of neurobiological issues, such as underdeveloped vagus nerve function which innervates facial muscles. Vagus nerve function is tuned up by breastfeeding (not bottle feeding), being in arms many hours of the day, responsiveness to cues of needs and proto-conversation. Undercare was evident also in parents not responding in a nurturing way to baby distress cries (e.g., rocking the stroller while attending to a smart phone). With a nurturing approach, the parent would pick up the child and speak in comforting manner.

Unmitigated undercare (lack of evolved nestedness or subsequent healing) is associated with neurobiological tendencies toward depression and other dysregulation issues. 

Most parents with babies I saw (dozens and dozens) seemed not to realize that they are cultivating human nature, that their child is a human in the making. Perhaps this is why in traditional societies grandparents are primary carers for young children—they are typically more attuned to the needs of the child’s body and spirit rather than focused on status, work, or identity, like most people at parenting ages are.

Imagine yourself strapped and pushed around or placed in a coffin for hours. How would you turn out?

Not surprisingly, most Finnish people of all ages seemed depressed to me, not happy. (See earlier post, Rigid Adults Take Control.)

How can this be when Finnish adults report high happiness?

Some years ago, a study was published comparing personality test scores across nations that indicated USians were highest on agreeableness. Having lived in various countries, I could not believe this. So I asked personality psychologist Dan McAdams how this could be. He said to remember that when people answer such measures, they are comparing themselves to the people around them. So, USian respondents were viewing others around them as pretty uncooperative compared to themselves. Similarly, I guess, Finnish adult respondents consider others around them as pretty unhappy compared to themselves. Perhaps that explains the high happiness marks on international comparisons.

But someone should ask the babies.

However, Finnish schooling is more responsive to children’s needs. There are no high-stakes tests until high school and students have choices in what they study. Students do not start regular schooling until age 7 and they have opportunities for free play throughout the school day.

In fact, the impact of undercare in babyhood can be partially mended by social free play (even in adulthood).

If you were undercared for, according to our species’ communal evolved nest, engage in social free play. If that makes you uncomfortable, here is EvolvedNest.org’s 28 Days of Solo Play, daily nudges that you can try in order to ease up your discomfort for playing.